There’s nothing quite like that excitement you get after waking up on a cold morning and pulling open the curtains to realise you’ve been transported into a fantastic winter wonderland! Snow!! Everywhere!!! Last winter we were lucky enough to get two weeks worth of deep snow in Bristol that we could frolic about in to our heart’s content and if the weatherman smiles on us again this year, here’s our guide to the best ways to spend your time:

One of the highlight of last year’s snowy antics was to be found on Brandon Hill: Brave souls constructed themselves a ramp out of snow and after hurtling down towards it from the higher slopes, they launched themselves off in an Eddy The Eagle style flight. I’m not saying give it a go because that’s just suicide; instead just head up there for a guaranteed afternoon of wincing good fun.

A student favourite and a great way to pass the time is to build giant phallic snow sculptures on the Downs. Subtlety and common decency are chucked out of the window in a literal battle of who’s got the biggest dick.

When it’s your turn to brave the Arctic conditions and go out for hot chocolate and malt wine supplies, revel in turning to your friends and, in your best Lawrence Oates impression, croaking; “I am just going outside and may be some time…”

Go on a midnight snow run! Sure, playing in the snow is fun during the day but you’ve got to share it with everyone else and before you’ve had your fill, everything has turned into a brown slosh. On a snowy night at 3am it feels like time is standing still. The white layer is pure and untainted, the roads and pavements are gleaming white and it’s just you, the foxes and the drunks stumbling home.

Do you dare brave the slopes of Gloucester Road or Park Street in your everyday shoes? It’s slippery good fun but you’re guaranteed to have groups of drunks in the cosy beer porches watching and eagerly waiting for anyone to go head-over-heels and they’ll helpfully roar “WWWWAaaaaaaayyyyyyyhhhh!!! You waaaaaaankaaaaa!” if you stack it, just in case the whole neighbourhood didn’t see.

Last year a certain lecturer from Bristol University fulfilled his dream and actually skied down St. Michael’s Hill! Realise your snowy dream and make it happen: Toboggan down Park Street? Snowboard through Ashton Court? Ice-skate over the floating harbour? Snow angels in Queen’s Square? Just make sure you stick it on YouTube so we can all have a gander.

Feeling lonely, why not just built yourself a new girlfriend out of snow? She might be a little uncommunicative and have a cold, icy heart but she won’t run of with the next door neighbour (granted his dog might eat her nose). Be warned: you’re tongue can easily get cemented to very cold surfaces.

Throw snowballs from the top of Cabot Tower – they’ll never catch you!

Spend your time re-enacting famous snowy scenes from the big-screen: Why not trot around with pockets full of Turkish Delight pretending to be Mr. Tumnus, or become Luke Skywalker as you battle AT-AT Imperial Walkers on the ice planet of Hoth? See if you can outdo the survivors of the Andres plane crash in the film Alive and last outside in the snow for 72 days without resorting to cannibalism, or become Gandalf as you lead the Fellowship of the Ring over the Misty Mountains? Most fun of all though is just to waddle about like you’re a main character in The March Of The Penguins – “Sqwaaaark!”

Have a Swedish style sauna (or failing that a really, really hot bath) and after getting way too uncomfortably hot, burst outside naked and roll around in the snow – ultimate refreshment.

Watching others having to run about and work in the cold and snow is very satisfying. Go watch Bristol City/Rovers do their best against the weather or stay indoors and peer out at milkmen and posties struggling against the elements.

Snow cones – the low fat ice-cream alternative.

Pretend you’re an Eskimo by rolling up a massive ball of snow, hollowing it out and then sitting inside with some candles and incense. You’ll be surprised how warm it is.

Go sledging in the park - don’t use a sledge though, that’s far too conventional. Points for the more creative your sliding item; I’m thinking frying pans, bin liners, tea-trays and taxidermy.

Matthew Whittle www.matthewwhittleblog.blogspot.com
Illustrations by Martin Jones