Still a bit cream-crackered from the previous day’s mammoth skate session, our plan was to have a super-chilled bike ride in celebration of the winter sun and tra-la through Long Ashton - and possibly yonder into the fields and woods edging the Bristol perimeter.

It wasn’t long before we spotted a narrow, bumpy lane which led us to a gate guarded by a heard of Friesians. In order to avoid this meaty barricade we were forced into a neighbouring corn field and lug our bikes through knee deep grass. After slinging our bikes and ourselves over a mangled barbed wire fence, a large field took us to the corner of the Ashton Leigh woods and a wondrous down-hill free-ride. Our elation was fast obliterated however by the arduous up-hill climb that followed, to the tune of my lethargic groans.

Once at the top, it was definitely time to spice up what was originally supposed to be just a leisurely, jolly jaunt so we diverted off the main track onto one of several single tracks disappearing off into the wooded undergrowth…We had stumbled across a short n’ sweet bike trail. But the fact that these woods haven’t yet been discovered/developed as bikers’ woods became apparent when thick ferns and bracken had us dragging our bikes once again.

My legs soon became laddered with scratches burning with the acid from millions of stinging nettles, my pain prompting an argument to determine whose darn fault this was anyway (definitely his – not mine). But in the true nature of what was turning out to be a very unpredictable exploit, our spirits were lifted on rounding the next corner to another down-hill track!

Our afternoon then took a sudden turn for the worse as we were lured off the main track in search for something a little more adventurous, by the misleading hint of a (bike) trail leading off into the woods. The charms of this slug trail we were now on soon vanished, leaving us in the midst of relatively thick woods – our bikes now a major hindrance to our escape. But expecting to hit another path any minute, on we trudged.

Unfortunately, the vaguest impression that human life had ever passed this way before led no-where and so yet again we found ourselves hauling our bikes over/under branches across a thick woodland floor. Our situation then became desperate - my blood sugar plummeted, dizziness set in and I became forced to contemplate our impending doom as my boyfriend contemplated what to do with my worsening mood. But there was no way we could be lost in these parts!

Sure enough, after what seemed like months, the bright golden light of day began to shine through the undergrowth wall like angels from a heavenly realm onto our dark land. Finally salvation was upon us – and after a few more barbed wire/hedge combo hitches, we spilt clumsily out onto a lane which led us out into civilisation and into airwaves filled with trebly RnB, blaring out of the phones belonging to two teenage girls as they trotted past on their ponies – totally oblivious to our recent plight.

Fran McElhone