Leo
Problems will arise this month. The answer? Facebook. Only make decisions based on suggestions by randoms that have added you and life will be simpler.

Virgo
Money problems have been on your mind lately. The solution you are looking for is your organs. That’s right, all your problems sorted and only a few organs missing.

Libra
Capes may look cool on superheroes, so they will must look cool on you too, this month wear a different cape every day.

Scorpio
Fearing that you might be impotent? This month gives you the perfect opportunity to find out.

Sagittarius
That smell you’ve been noticing lately? It’s you. Some people find it attractive, most don’t. I suggest finding the few that do.

Capricorn
Tip for the coming months – everyone likes a hug, specially the homeless.

Aquarius
With the way things are going on with the planets, you’re probably in for a good few months, probably.

Pisces
This month try a change of pace. If astronauts can walk like that why can’t you?

Aries
Take that risk, do it! The rope’ll probably hold.

Taurus
Do you get all of your five a day? If not, why not try drinking more cider? It’s got apples in it so it must be good.

Gemini
Try a new hair cut or new clothes to attract that special someone. Or maybe just go everywhere naked, that way there’ll be no surprises when that someone takes you home.

Cancer
Pick up your banana blanket. That’s right, you read what you thought you did.