Taurus
Don’t let doubts continue to hold you back – fish breathe underwater all the time, you can too! Your lucky faux pas: Asking fat women when the baby’s due.

Gemini
With decadent Venus in your chart, it’s time to pamper yourself. Take the radio right into the bath with you. Lovely. Your lucky full-body shock: yes.

Cancer
You will definitely be swallowed by a whale this spring, even if you stay on land. On the upside, single Cancerians may find romance in the lower digestive tract.

Leo
Let your intuition be your guide this spring. Mystic sees it manifesting in the form of a homeless person with crazy eyes and a magic potion. Follow it. Drink its potion.

Virgo
You may find that you are really feeling the pinch this spring, but you don’t have to let the lobster sleep in with you. You are way too soft – Mr Red-Legs will be fine in the bath.

Libra
With Mars leaving your chart you may feel that people don’t think about you, but they do. The hairy man next door thinks about you all the time. Smile for the camera.

Scorpio
Saturn comes into your chart bringing a hydro-active smoothing ingredient, to make the next couple of months feel firmer and silky to the touch. Which is nice.

Sagittarius
Breast milk is lucky for you this spring, so get your hands on as much of it as you can. Don’t be shy about it, just ask – what’s the worst that can happen?

Capricorn
Looking back on it later, this spring will seem like the best time of your life. But that’s just compared to what’s coming. Enjoy it while you still have friends. And feet.

Aquarius
You may feel as though someone close to you is preventing you from reaching one of your goals, but try not to force their hand. That’s illegal – no means no.

Pisces
Raise your sights a little in the workplace this spring. It is rude to stare at people’s boobs. I know, they draw the eye but people are beginning to hate you.

Aries
With hot-headed Jupiter rising in your chart, be careful not to burn bridges. Bridges are damp, they take ages to catch. Try burning a petrol station if you want to impress.