Cancer
Reveal new, younger looking skin this month when the sunburn peels off. Then reveal crinkly papery skin when the sun damage kicks in.

Leo
Your mum tells you to take a goody basket to your gran and drops you off in the woods. You don’t have a gran though, do you, Leo? Good luck…

Virgo
A difficult start to the month when your energy runs low. Then the withdrawals kick in and your mum has hidden her purse. Bad times.

Libra
Oh dear, Libra! Looks like the fashion police are after you! Oh, no, it’s the normal police. And an angry civilian mob. And a herd of furious cows.

Scorpio
Work on your problems a little at a time, Scorpio. First, gain their trust. Then, build your dastardly revenge machine. Your time is coming…

Sagittarius
You know how you can cut earthworms in half and it makes two worms? That only works with worms. Now look at the mess on the carpet.

Capricorn
An interesting time for you when a big tycoon spills his oil in your gulf. Luckily there shouldn’t be any seabirds in there. I hope.

Aquarius
Careful, Aquarius! You are way too sexy this month. No one, I mean no one, will be able to help themselves. Stay inside - or let it happen.

Pisces
Romance is waiting in an underpass for you, Pisces. It’s only Flashing Phil. Have a look at it, make his day. He won’t hurt you.

Aries
This month it turns out that someone you thought was a friend is actually just made of plasticine. Your lucky squish-and-start-again shape: worm coil pot.

Taurus
You meet the lover of your dreams this month, and oh my, how delicious it is! Then you wake up and the dog is licking you somewhere worrying.

Gemini
Don’t be afraid to take a chance on a blind date this month! You won’t have to do your hair and Snuffles the guide-dog knows where all the best parties are.