Sagittarius
A tragedy this year when your snowman melts on Christmas day. You should never have left him outside by himself. Mystic has called Social Services.

Capricorn
A white Christmas for you this year, Capricorn. A white light at the end of a tunnel, and all kinds of Christmassy angels to carry you home. Lucky.

Aquarius
Romance has brown hair and shiny shoes at the office Christmas party for you this year! Unfortunately that’s all you remember about them – till the Facebook photos go up…

Pisces
An interesting end to the party season when you finally discover who your secret Santa is – in the library, with the lead pipe. Surprise!

Aries
Neptune, planet of taking things literally, is ruling your chart this month. A disturbing surprise flavour awaits you at a Christmas party. Your unlucky dessert: Yule log.

Taurus
Oh dear, Taurus – things go in threes this year. Dead turkey in the kitchen, dead pine tree in the living room, and what’s that waiting in the bathroom? Clue: it wasn’t on your Christmas list.

Gemini
Your Christmas wish comes true! Unfortunately, it’s the one you shout at your Mum at the end of the charades-argument. And now you have to solve the riddle of the Christmas elf to get your family back. Tricky.

Cancer
An overly-jolly grandmother could instigate a frightfully festive knees-up this year. Better get your running trainers on. Your lucky bottle: smashed.

Leo
Make sure you eat your Brussels sprouts this Christmas dinner. You will have to – it’s all there is. That’s the economic downturn for you.

Virgo
Jingle Bells, Virgo smells, your Gran will come to stay. The dog knocks over the Christmas tree, your Dad comes out as gay! Happy Christmas.

Libra
This Yuletide you’ll be visited by the ghost of Cliff Richard. Yes, he is dead – in every way that matters. Follow him. Have mistletoe and wine and wholesome times.

Scorpio
This year an overweight hairy man reeking of sherry will attempt to break into your house because he wants to give things to your children. I’d call the police in advance if I was you.