Without the pressure that New Years Eve embodies, Christmas Eve is arguably the best night out of the year. If you’re torn between spending a boozy night out with your mates or a sober one in with the family, here are some pro’s and con’s to consider:

It’s a great idea…!
Festive Loving – Christmas Eve is one of those nights where literally everyone is excited and in a good mood. If you go to the pub with your mates then you know it’s going to be a fun night.

Everyone is Together – This is a rare opportunity to find all the people you know in the same place, at the same time. Whether that’s your close friends or people you’ve not spoken to in years, expect some festive friend requests in the morning.
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Across the globe there are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18 years of age) all in need of presents at Christmas; however, since he does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 children per household (Worldwide Census), that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
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December is just one long month of consumption: Christmas party after Christmas party, beer after beer, mulled wine after mulled wine, forever helping yourself to the seemingly endless string of Christmas buffets and mince pies on offer. As you greedily pack endless chocolates and slabs of turkey into you wide gob, there’s a pang of guilt but you keep telling yourself not to worry, it’s Christmas after all, just enjoy yourself.

Mince pie – 200 calories
Glass of wine – 120 calories
Pint of lager – 227 calories
Mulled wine – 245 calories
Mixed nuts – 440 calories
Candy cane – 60 calories
A chocolate from a box – 50 calories
Ice cream – 145 calories
Roast turkey – 340 calories
Stuffing – 180 calories
Cranberry sauce – 190 calories
Gravy – 150 calories
Christmas pudding with brandy butter - 423 calories
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With Christmas approaching, the thorny issue of festive love always arises. Anyone can roughly divide their friends into the ‘I watch Love Actually and feel pathetically envious’ ones and the ‘fuck fucking Christmas, I’ll be broody’ types. From my experience, people will go through recurring cycles of transition between these two admittedly wonderful attitudes in the months leading up to the, now 2009th, birth of the most troublesome baby in history.

Getting Christmas Love Strategies:

Try standing awkwardly under mistletoe at the office party until someone takes pity or until you see someone on the other side of the room doing the same and you realise what a desperate lemon they/you look.

There’s no time to waste so catch prospective partners’ eyes by wearing the wedding-cake-like extravaganza dress – remember there is no limit to red taffeta/cleavage/bows/glitter wearing during Christmas.
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Why is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
You do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Darth Vader: ‘Luke, I know what you’re getting for Christmas’
Luke: ‘Oh yeah, Dad? How’s that then?’
Darth Vader: ‘Because I have felt your presents’

Good King Wenceslas phoned for a pizza. The salesgirl on the end of the line asked him; ‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?’
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Realistic Christmas clichés you can aim to achieve this festive holiday…
- Placing a big woolly stocking at the end of your bed and being genuinely surprised and delighted when you find it stuff full of goodies in the morning, even if you are 23.
- Getting your dad to dress up in a full Santa costume and waddle around the house dispensing presents, or if the old mans getting on in years, get in that damn suit yourself!
- Another easy cliché to achieve is smothering a Christmas pudding with brandy and setting it on fire! It looks even more spectacular than you could possibly hope.
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Friday 12th until Tuesday 23rd December 2008 @ 15 -19 Stokes Croft, Bristol

www.12daysofxmas.co.uk

As the icy winds of winter gradually creep up on us, as does the merry sneer of Christmas. Even before the first autumn leaves have fallen, we are bombarded in every direction by cheery propaganda bred in poundshop stockrooms across the country, relentlessly poking everyone in the face; “The X word is coming! Get ready. Get your wallet out.” It’s relentless. The ultimate insult is that behind all the fluffy snowmen and ‘good will to all men’, there is a grotesque, greedy corporate underbelly to Christmas and the spending quickly usurps the spiritual, transforming the season into just a gargantuan capitalist cash-cow. What’s wrong with Christmas? It’s no longer mine.
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www.kylevonbrown.blogspot.com

The SY family reveal what they want in their stockings!

Anna L
Ok, for Christmas I either want a shisha with banana-flavoured tobacco or a 1950s telephone where you have to turn the keys around to dial a number.

Freya
A wooden chess set, an antique ring and The Lord of the Rings book - special hard back edition, with maps and cool extras.

Matt
A big, new dressing gown, with my initials on the back.

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