My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

When hearing the word “Milkshake”, the naïve among you will no doubt already have a firm favourite from the exhausted choice of strawberry, chocolate, banana or vanilla. This is all well and good if you are content spending those long-awaited summer days sipping on your usual mundane beverage but for some, this does not suffice. To ensure that you are not disappointed with your milky treat, my plan is to delve much deeper into the world of milkshakes in search of weird and wonderful flavours to satisfy the needs of the milkshake thrill seekers of Bristol. There will be six contenders, each marked on originality, generosity of portion and value for money. Let the Bristol Milkshake Challenge begin!!

1. Rocotillos
An American-style diner which beckons punters in with a large sign on the side of the building specifying a range of absurd milkshake flavours, including ‘Crunchie Bar and Honey’ and even ‘Peanut Butter’. As a firm believer that Peanut Butter should remain a sandwich filling, I opted for the former: A very thick and flavoursome shake, perfect if you’re feeling decadent.
Location: Clifton Triangle
Flavour: Crunchie Bar and Honey
Price: £3.25
Originality: 5/5
Portion: 4/5
Value for Money: 3/5
Additional Comments: I like the idea of having the option of an alcoholic ‘Hard Shake’ on the menu.

2. Lashings Coffee House
As I stumbled out of Rocotillos clutching my stomach, I was pleased to see my next port of call selling a slightly less sickly ‘Peaches and Cream’ flavour milkshake. Disappointingly however, they were out of peaches and I had to settle for the next best thing; ‘Malteaser’ flavour. Not quite as thick as the one at Rocotillos, it turned out to be surprisingly refreshing.
Location: Broad Quay
Flavour: Malteaser
Price: £3.25
Originality: 4/5
Portion: 3/5
Value: 2/5
Additional Comments: Should blend the Malteasers a bit more or provide a larger straw.

3. Supermarket
For those of you who may be feeling impatient and simply cannot wait any longer to cool down with an affordable milkshake straight from the fridge, the supermarkets’ small selection of flavours could be just what you desire. Friji’s ‘Chocolate Fudge Brownie’ is a good choice if you’re trying to look after the pennies whilst still experimenting with something a bit out of the ordinary.
Location: Everywhere
Flavour: Chocolate Fudge Brownie
Price: £1.02
Originality: 3/5
Portion: 3/5
Value for Money: 3/5
Additional Comments: Well, it can’t be too bad if it’s endorsed by The Simpsons.

4. Shake King
Much to my misfortune, my favourite biscuit, Hobnobs, do not taste as nice when liquefied and made into a milkshake. Although Shake King boasts a menu of over 150 flavours, it does not necessarily mean that each abnormal flavour will work as a shake. Having said that, with flavours ranging from ‘Fig Rolls’ to ‘Trebor Extra Strong Mints’, you cannot fault them on originality.
Location: Broadmead
Flavour: Hobnob
Price: £3.40
Originality: 4/5
Portion: 4/5
Value for Money: 3/5
Additional Comments: You can also suggest your own flavours, as if 150 is not enough!

5. Mange Tout
Although it doesn’t claim to have an exotic range of shake flavours, with the hope of being pleasantly surprised, I gave Mange Tout a try. Sadly, I ended up with a disappointing, lukewarm raspberry shake that had never seen a raspberry in its life. If you like to play it safe with your milkshakes, then Mange Tout may be the place for you; however I was on a quest for something a bit more extraordinary.
Location: Corn Street
Flavour: Raspberry
Price: £2.25
Originality: 2/5
Portion: 3/5
Value for Money: 3/5
Additional Comments: I don’t know what I expected from a café named after a French runner bean…

6. Shake Away
Despite being faced with a seemingly infinite number of flavoursome possibilities, the sign outside helped me to make up my mind and before long I was tucking in to today’s special; ‘Skittles’, ‘Jelly Beans’ and ‘Popping Candy’ sprinkles. A dream come true for the sweet-toothed milkshake fanatic, but as I had already made my way through a fair few milkshakes, finishing the sugary ‘Shake Away Special’ was definitely a challenge!
Location: The Arcade
Flavour: Skittles and Jelly Beans with Popping Candy on top
Price: £3.40
Originality: 5/5
Portion: 4/5
Value for Money: 3/5
Additional Comments: Milkshakes extremely sugary and should come with a dental warning.

As there can only be one winner of the Bristol Milkshake Challenge, I think it has to go to the very deserving Shake Away as they have a colossal variety of milkshake flavours catering for absolutely everyone, unless of course you are lactose intolerant.

Louis Catlett
Illustration by Laurie Stansfield