He answers your questions…

1. My girlfriend’s getting pissed off cos I don’t last very long in the
sack! Got any advice?
Well, if you can’t resist some ungloved love, just stick it up her ass and do her dry. It’s a completely different sensation and I have no doubt that you’ll last for hours. If that doesn’t work then I’m more than happy to come round and sort your girlfriend out. ATM is my specialty!

2. Harper, what can I do to stop Climate Change?
Burn less energy by staying in masturbating. It’s the answer to all our environmental issues.

3. How scared should I be of STIs?
I guess that everyone should be aware of the risks associated with having unprotected sex. Well anyway, that’s what your wife always tells me. She reminded me of that last night before we got in bed together.

To put your queries to Auntie Harper just email: info@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk