SY’s Agony Aunt answers your questions…

1. Where’s the best place to watch the World Cup footy games in Bristol?
Head down your local with the chavs, stare longingly into an empty pint glass, have a fight during half-time. After the match eat a kebab with bloody hands and go home with a stiffy only to find that the Mrs won’t shag because your breath stinks. Easy!

2. Harper, can you help me settle a dispute? Is it OK for girl’s to have boy’s names like Jo, Sam, Robyn and Peta?
Girls and boys often share similar names. A name like that can come in handy when you have small genitals like yours. Tuck it up for Samantha or leave it hanging for Samuel. I know you’ve always fancied a career as a lady boy, so now is your chance.

3. What is the best way not to get caught having sex in the park?
Be discreet, quick and try to make as little noise as possible. However, I know your girlfriend will find that difficult. With a bark like hers you are guaranteed to be caught by the park warden.

To put your queries to Auntie Harper’s sympathetic ear just email: info@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk