1. No matter what I try I can’t get a decent tan!! How can I compete in the park and on the beach?
Mate, I’m a ginger and I never tan. However, I am the best looking ginger in Bristol and I get loads of fanny. No-one can ever compete with me and my good looks when down at the beach.

2. Harper! What’s better - Summer or Winter? Hot or cold?
If you can show me a place in winter where the sun always shines, women look great and the beer always tastes amazing then I’ll switch to winter. For the time being, I’m sticking with summer, thank you very much!

3. Would you like to come to my BBQ?
If you’re a girl then I’d be happy to come to a BBQ and spread my mayo over your burger baps. If you’re a bloke, then I’d rather chop off my nob with a rusty bread knife than come to your BBQ!