He answers your questions…

1. Valentines Day is coming up mate, where should I take my girlfriend? It is better to go over the top seduce or just play it cool?
Firstly, I’d like to point out that you are not my mate! However, in your attempt to suck up to me I will give you some tips on where to take your girlfriend. Why don’t you go to London and take her up the Oxo Tower? It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and is a bit of a strain on the old back pocket, but once you relax and have a few drinks, I’m sure you can slip right in to the occasion. You must try their cream pie dessert; it’s all the rage apparently.

2. It’s that time of year where everyone is booking holidays except me! Should I go away somewhere or save the money?
It’s hard when you’re ugly and have no friends to go away with. I expect your street cred is pretty low as well. Well, as always I’ve got the answer to all of your problems: I’ve heard of this great new savings scheme known as the “Send Auntie Harper away while you stay at home savings scheme”. I promise to send you a copy of my video diary and tell you all about it when I get back.

3. I don’t want to spend Valentine’s alone - I need to get a boyfriend, FAST! Help?
Well! You are a pushy madam. Cut off those balls and you may have more luck pulling blokes.

To put your queries to Auntie Harper just email: info@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk