1. Hello! I’m new to Bristol - who and what do I need to know?
Go to Knowle West, Lockleaze or Southmead. They are probably the poshest parts of Bristol. If you fancy going out, then Oceana is the best club by miles and for food, there is nowhere better than the Weatherspoons in Bedminster. They microwave their food like nowhere else!

2. Have you seen the Banksy show yet Harper? I think it’s wicked!
No I haven’t! Unfortunately tourists like you have been taking up the queue space meaning that I can’t even get a look-in during my lunch break. I bet you’re the person who threw paint over the Banksy art at the bottom of Park St.

3. I want to impress my new girlfriend with a sexy and summery day out any ideas?
Why bother? Leave your girlfriend at home and go out with your mates instead. They are much more fun.