SY’s Agony Aunt answers your questions…

1. I need a fancy dress idea for my birthday party this month, and ideas Harper?
Some people expect me to come up with all the answers. I don’t know you, I don’t want to get to know you and frankly, I don’t really give a fuck about what you wear to your fancy dress party. You haven’t got any friends and you certainly aren’t going to find any at places like that!

2. How do I find out if this girl I like has a boyfriend? And don’t say just ask her cos that’s not gonna happen!
I can tell you mate, she hasn’t got a boyfriend. I know that because I’m banging her at the moment and I know she wouldn’t be interested in an inbred like you anyway.

3. Who would win in a fight between David Blain and Derren Brown?
Neither! When they were in the ring together I’d jump in and kick the shit out of both of them. Simple!

To put your queries to Auntie Harper’s sympathetic ear just email: info@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk