1. It’s my missus’ birthday soon, what the hell am I suppose to get her? I’m skint!
How about a 1 hour private session with your favourite agony aunt? I’ll offer a special discount rate of £20 per hour and seeing as your a 1st timer, I’ll even throw in a complementary bottle of Lambrini and box of Quality Street for her to take away a souvenir.

2. I’ve just lost my job, but needed a change anyway. Is it lucrative being an Agony Aunt?
I’m sorry mate, there be only room for one Agony Aunt in the town of Bristol; however I’ve heard Swindon are looking for a new one. Surprising how much free stuff you get when you are an agony aunt. Girls throw themselves at me in the street, which comes in handy as you can probably imagine. I take full advantage of the opportunity by stealing their wallet and phone as they grope me.


3. I think I’m in love with this guy who gets the same bus as me every morning. How do I get him to notice me??? Help me Harper!
Just walk up to him, throw yourself at him with your boobs out and offer to ring his bell, I’m sure it’ll get you noticed by him and the rest of the bus as well. You never know, you might end up with a shag over the Wayfarer at one of the fare stages!