1. I don’t know what I want for Christmas! What should I ask for to get maximum rewards?
Like collecting reward points to spend at your local supermarket? Surely Christmas is much more fun than shopping at Asda!

2. When am I too old to get my stocking hung at the end of my bed?
At the point at which the end of the sock starts hitting the floor, then you know that you are too big for this. Apparently Santa has quite small arms, so if he can’t reach the bottom then he won’t give you anything. Anyway, I never got anything when I was a kid. Maybe that was because I left my soiled pants at the end of the bed instead.

3. How the hell am I gonna be able to put up with moaning Auntie Dorra at Christmas dinner?
Aunties like her and me like to moan every now and then. We get all those people writing to us telling them their problems and people don’t expect us to moan every now and again. Put up with her moaning and don’t be so ungrateful. She said she’d show you her stuffing balls and if you had her over for dinner. Apparently you’re getting a bar of galaxy and £5 pound note this year.