1. Why is that girl you fancy always fancy your mate, and the ones who fancy me I never fancy? I am not a pig after all?
It sounds like you are aiming too high. Look in a mirror and give yourself a rating out of 10. Now aim 2 places lower in all of your conquests.

2. Where do you stand on public displays of affection? Yes or no?
Nothing is more annoying than seeing a couple making out in the fruit and veg aisle. Do it because you’re attracted to each other, not because you’re trying to attract the attention of others. PDA’s can be ok if it turns you both on, but make sure you don’t scare off your mates by forcing them to watch and making them feel left out. The back seat of a bus should remain a seat and not a mobile lap-dancing venue!

3. I met a girl at a friend’s party a few weeks ago and ended up going home with her for a bit of foreplay behind my girlfriends back. I’ve now come clean with this girl and told her I have a girlfriend and surprisingly she wants to keep seeing me. The thought of this makes me rather horny. I love my girlfriend, what should I do?
To be honest mate, you really should sort out the situation with your girlfriend. This girl sounds like a bit of loser if she is willing to be your bit on the side. It’ll be fine the first few times you see her and after that she’ll start making demands and asking you why you’re not spending more time with her or asking you to come clean with your girlfriend. Sack her off if you want to stay with your girlfriend. If your sex life with your girlfriend sucks you can always sort yourself out with a few cheeky hand shandies when she’s sleeping. Anyway…I’m sure you’ve saved the night with this other girl to the wank bank, so maybe it’s time to make a withdrawal.