1. I really wanna get one over on my mate, any tips for something to do to him for April Fools’ Day?
Why wait to April Fools day? If you want to get one over on your mate then I wouldn’t waste time in asking a sadistic person like me. If he has a girlfriend then try to get hold of his mobile phone when he’s left it unattended and secretly replace her number with yours. At some unsuspecting moment later that day, send him a text telling him that his girlfriend has thrush….he’ll bloody love it!

2. I was suppose to move in with my boyfriend this summer but he’s being a cockmuncher. What should I do??
I don’t know why you are complaining. If I discovered that my girlfriend was a muffmuncher then I’d think game-on! Maybe you could ask your boyfriend if he’d be willing to share around any of his meat for the privilege of you moving in with him?

3. Is it wrong to stuff my face full of chocolate this Easter when I wouldn’t piss on Jesus if he was on fire?
Would your mother be happy if she heard you speak like that? Don’t ever speak like that around your Auntie Harper. I suggest you spend the next 24 hours in front of an alter begging for forgiveness, because you’ll be eating a lot more than chocolate this year if I get my hands on you.