We are absolutely over the blue sparkling moon to present this honest, up front, no bullshit guide to this fair city lovingly put together by the students of Bristol Uni and UWE for your reading pleasure. Many other magazines you may read contain four tonnes of sponsored crap within their pages, we present the only guide worth the recycled paper it is printed on.

PS. There are shed loads more venues than are highlighted here we may fail to mention because we are ambivalent to them as they represent bland nothingness or others the students who complied this just didn’t feel any desire to write about them, please get in touch if you did want to review any cool crazy places we have missed off!

Park Street & White Ladies Road

The Woods – Park St Ave

Shabby Chic at its very best. The late night drinking hole attracts the mainstream on the whole but get there on a good night and you can join the beautiful and the damned on their way to a fashionable party, before partaking in some wife swapping

OPPO} – Park St Ave

Amazing carrot cake, lovely staff and the perfect place to chill out in between lectures, live music on Sundays and Thursdays. Great top tens on the wall

Yia Mass – Park St

A beautiful haven amongst the gaudy disturbing genericism that constitutes most of Bristol’s nightlife. A Greek restaurant bar, which transports you to that side of the world within seconds. Far too loud to eat in here unless it’s the daytime.

The Elbow Rooms – Park St

Totally hireable venue with upstairs private room, pool hall with a modern twist! Late licence, cool music and no old men!

Bar Ha Ha – Just off Park St by Triangle

Same same everywhere you go, the food was crap the last time I went but it totally depends as it seems to be different every single trip! Full of nobs who fancy themselves more than they will ever fancy you. Well-dressed cattle on their way to market!

The Cooler – Park St

Used to be vile and yet somehow in the last year has transformed into a cool venue, when the hell did that happen! Well count yourselves lucky it will be cool whilst you are here! Great ska/live drum and base etc etc

Antix – Park St

Used to be the most shocking venue in all of Bristol, the place has done nothing to redeem itself in the last year since the name change although they do make a mean fry up, beware the pikies dry humping on the dance floor!

Po Na Na – Park St

Busy, busy, busy starting to have nights with big DJs like The Trophy Twins. Small intimate and chances of pulling greatly enhanced!

Lizard Lounge – Park St

If you like Rugby boys and drinking piss out of pint glasses in the corner then this is the place for you! Sports team tastic if you can handle it but beware this is a very particular type of environment!, not really an arts crowd venue!!

Versa – Whiteladies Rd (top of Park St)

A dark cellar sports bar with more pool tables than you can shake a stick at, massive plasma screens and a bespoke cocktail bar for the ladies to while away their evening whilst the boys play who has got the biggest wanger. Come Play is pretty good!

MBargo – The Triangle

You will come here often, its always busy, there are always promotions and it is a student haven! A totally different night of music every time and always a winner, try and get a job here if you can and you never have to miss out on anything.

The Park – The Triangle

Good music nights fairly cool venue, intimate so expect to rub up against a few people when you come down!

All in One – Park St

Ok chain bar with open front so can spy on the loonies as you sit and sup your ale. Cheap and cheerful food.

Bristol Ram – Park St

Live music on a Sunday, great place to read the paper and chill out on lunchtime, sort of looks like an old pub but its not!

Agora

Cool European bar with Greek esque tapas and a massive tree growing through the middle of the bar, which adds to the theme of the bar. Great music on the weekend with some amazing live musicians.

Henry J Beans – Whiteladies

Great cocktails and some tres rich totty

The Ranch – Whiteladies

Good food, massive venue, attracts the hooraaa crowd on the whole but on the odd occasion there are some fitties in here

The Vittoria – Whiteladies

Wow, safe haven amongst all the other horrible bars, an actual pub, a real pint!

The PitcherHouse – Whiteladies

Achingly cool, frighteningly expensive, you have been warned!! Leather tastic, just for fun gambling, pull someone rich to buy your drinks or reportage your house!!

K2 – Clifton Down Shopping Centre

Sports team tastic yet again! Strange little hole of a place, do not wander in here by mistake it is a vile rite of passage and no mistake! Good luck!

Jersey Lilly

A pub with games galore! Great venue, friendly staff and easy on the pocket pricing! Can never fail with this one!

Corn Street

Edwards

Chav tastic hang out, cheap food if you are not particularly arsed about cordon bleu cooking and fancy something cheap and cheerful

Divine

Used to be a chavvy hole, has managed to morph itself into a cool venue, which looks beautiful and attracts a decent crowd that don’t want a fight!

Que Pasa

Bedouin tent like inside now, quite something to look at but essentially the drapes and tent stylee just covers up what was once a lovely building. Cheap crazy drinks on pull a pikie night (Saturdays)

John Cabot

Good chain food with open front, non specific and non offensive

Slug and Lettuce

Back at it’s original home! Great beer garden, same sort of food as the Cabot, huge venue with the best bank holiday mash up this side of Ibiza

Walkabout

Sports tastic and not a lot else! They serve snakebite here which is always a winner and if you buy a loyalty card drinks are amazingly cheap!

Commercial Rooms

Wetherspoons, nuff said! V V posh loos and perfect place to eat cheap and cheerful nothingish food.

All Bar One

These guys started HA!HA! and retain all the good things about that venue before the corporate buy out!

Side Streets – Around Corn St

Soho – St Stephens Street

Wicked venue deep routed in Bristol’s club history, the best beer garden in central town! Suit Yourself had a launch party here and was the biggest thing of the summer

The Bunch of Grapes

Brilliant live music pub. Intimate and friendly, the perfect antidote to the other crap Bristol has to offer. Amazing Bristol music supported, we love them!

Central Chambers – St Stephens Street

Strip club what more do you need to know, the girls are fairly rough but with nice arses!

TimBuk2 – Small St

Great venue, check out the listings for what we have going on here, all nights are fairly different so it is hard to cover them all, DOP nights are badass as are We Like to Party and Discotheque

Native – Small St

Dark and cave like, which we love, never say no to a bit of dinge! good music, underground and progressive D&B acts

St Nicholas Street & Market

Tantric Jazz

Great venue supporting real amazing vocal and musical talent, free main course with you entry price, you feel cool just walking past this place! You are on to a winner!

Revolution

It’s a chain bar what do you need to know? Cheap food, buy the card! Good place to start off or just to get messed up and leery; I think it’s the disco balls just send me loopy!

Shamus O’Donnell

Old man Irish pub, great venue, they even serve cockles behind the bar which is a winner in my eyes!

Capri Bar

Random nights such as Asian Dub and all sorts have been going on here for the last year, available for hire with a tres posh champagne bar underneath the Italian restaurant

The Rummer

V old pub, people from Bristol hold dear to their hearts, which has now been opened into a swanky bar with a roaring fireplace, pretty special venue if you feel like being a grown up for the evening.

The Crown

Jitter pub for the rock/Bierkeller crowd, always a winner, I feel about 100 years old when I go there but love it for the nostalgia trip.

The Arc Bar

Some great nights here, musically second to none, always a sweatbox, only students come here!

Baldwin Street

The Sports Café

A million and one TV screens playing any random crap off the many rubbish sky channels. Boys and chavs love this hell hole!

Statis

Good nights on the weekend, seems to be the only time its open!

O’Neal’s

Good cheap food, crap Irish Bar

The Stone House

If you like comedy served up American style then this is the place, some great people play at the acoustic nights but it is a bit warehouse like

Fishworks

Big pub, its all right I guess for a late drink, no music though so a bit quiet!

Broad Mead Area

Charlie’s Bar

Always scared when I walk past and hear the worst karaoke in my life! Always an option if the rest of town is scaring you silly

Bay Horse

Good pub grub, bit of a Saturday shopping break venue in my eyes

The White Hart

Good affair pub you are bound never to bump into anyone you know whatsoever! Old man pub or bus station stopover.

Syndicate

Massive venue, the biggest dance venue in all of Bristol! Great nights here including massive hard house/trance/drum and base! The best big dance student nights in the world happen here!

King Street and around Queens Square

The Old Duke

Amazing venue and one of the most famous places in all of Bristol on this safe haven of a road hiding so close to the chav fest of the waterfront

Llandoger Trow

Lovely venue, old seating and comfy relaxed laid back vibe, a few random cubby holes to sit in and hide!

King William

Another real pub, loads of pool tables and good priced grub. Don’t order the tuna though; the bone freaked me out, go for the roast dinner! Amazing little cubbie holes and beautiful décor

Sublime

Stylish wine bar on this road with a great selection of drinks, beautiful décor and nice food during the day

Renatos

Great venue emotionally attached to the Old Vic, great pizza when mixing with the luvvies (old vic closed at the mo though so who knows who you may meet!)
Naval Volunteer

The original pirate pub, amazing place, old school chairs and tables, smuggling used to go on here!

The Apple

All the ciders in the world on a wee tiny boat! Amazing and one of my very favourites, bit dark downstairs, but all the ciders in the world!

The Hole in the Wall – The Grove

Chain Bar rubbish, part of the Pizza Hut Emporium, so mainly crappy packaged rubbish. Good outside seating and the bar have been spanked out of late!

The Mud Dock – The Grove

Fairly swanky, nice roof terrace with decent food but the most uncomfortable chairs I have ever sat on in my life

The Water Front

The River

A veritable safe haven among al the other crazy places on the waterfront, DJs at the weekend and a load of decent spirits for cocktails. Award winning sausage and mash, record label launches, art exhibitions

E Shed

Be warned your ears may bleed, cool music catering for the main stream!

Water Shed

Used to be a little skater tastic but a bit more fwaa fwaa art crowd discussing experimental film and the enormity of existence

Chicago Rock

Do not step foot unless you are over 40 as it’s a bit desperate and scary, the place your work friends will try and drag you, its not big and its not clever

BSB

All right food, full of the ghetto elite on the weekends, they play he odd dance tune to try and redeem themselves!

BAJA

Gatecrasher is apparently pretty good here but avoid and R&B night like the bubonic plague, the last Westwood night they had someone got stabbed!

The Water Front Pub

The other side of the waterfront, which means you, are less likely to get a punch in the face.

The Picture and Piano

Much less chavvy than the rest of the waterfront. Not sure how they manage to pull it off, but they do, it is fairly safe in here and student promotions are immense!

Lloyds

Weatherspoons with music! Who cares?

Oceania

Like Ikea with a one way policy, 7 rooms all totally different, you may as well just go to the type of club you actually want rather than wondering around aimlessly all night! Student nights redeem the place!

The Arnolfini

Beautiful art space, nice restaurant and posh drinking establishment been done out all the colours of the rainbow and very likely to give you a nosebleed! Great exhibitions and great live art so be prepared to hide in cupboards chanting in the name of performance! The place for mocca latte non fat doodahs of a Sunday afternoon if you can drag yourself out of the pub.

Stokes Croft and Gloucester Road

Club UK

Used to love it until someone was allegedly shot here and then dragged outside so the club didn’t get shit for it before they called the police! (well someone was definitely shot but the rest of the details has not been proven!) Do not attend this venue if it reopens, it is always the same people who run it and they lie!

Attic

Pool tables and part of the village set up with the courtyard and lovely outside seating/youth hostel! Amazing roast dinners next door and fairly posh since its been done out
The Blue Mountain

This venue without a single shred out doubt is one of the most famous in Bristol, love it, love the beer terrace

Clockwork

Has been passed the baton as the best venue in Bristol in the last year! Everyman and their mates are putting on events here! It’s massive but lacks a chill out space

Lakota

Easily one of the best clubs in the world during its hey day, now the only nights which fill it are the occasional, amazing venue though and we remember it fondly, please support it, please keep it open

Pipe and Slippers

Nice bar which looks like a pub, rock on!

Bar130

Nice tapas stylee food, cool chilled venue with friendly staff

Tao Bar

Cool new venue with record label launches and loads of great live new music

The Croft

Some of the best DJs and live music in Bristol. Sweat box on occasion but who cares with wall to wall totty! I don’t come on!”

The Prince of Wales

Great Organic beer seller with top roast dinners and great ethos. There are still a few of the old loonies hanging on from the days when this really was an old man’s Sunday pub so there are always crazy people to chat to

The Prom

Great live music venue with loads of great acts from the local area gracing their stage. Fabulous food during the day, good service, roadside seating and friendly staff. What more do you need? Nothing! Slightly more grown up crowd for the more discerning audience

The Golden Lion

Part of The Old Duke Massif so was always going to be good, we love this venue, the staff are ace, the music is legendary and it is actually a real pub! Winner!!

The Cadbury – Richmond Road Montpelier

Massive garden, very chilled with an edge on crusty, good unwashed totty

Southville North St

Tobacco Factory

Great place for watching theatre outside of the city centre, the restaurant is minimalistic, Some truly great things happen here! Food fairly decent, personally I feel like I am eating in a warehouse

Café Centurica

Good lunchtime grub, nice staff always a winner and smiles all round

Havana Bar

International staff, great coffee and every paper you could think of to read in their library

The Lounge

The original and prob the best, decent food, fabulous décor and a very relaxed chilled vibe, perfect for any occasion, not a fan of the hummus but everything else is pretty good

CubaIce

Oh my god the breakfasts! DO NOT MISS!

Hen and Chicken

Comedy store upstairs and the cheapest pub ever downstairs, all the sports, bit ‘yer check out me puma’ but as long as you like a bit of that you are well away!

The Best of the Rest

The Sugar Loaf – St Marks Road Easton

No less than seven different ciders are on tap, including the gorgeous Black Rat and the colourful Cheddar Valley. One of Bristol’s best jukeboxes supplies the back ground music, spend the day being thoroughly entertained by tales from one of the regular bar flies.

The Farm – St Werburghs

Love this place it’s amazing! Great garden full of either hippies or crusty clubbers after some techno session somewhere, offset by allotments to the right and a city farm serving amazing food to the left!

Castros – Old Market St (as mentioned in the pink pages)

Hard, fast, energy nights which take no prisoners so be warned if you think you can handle it then this is the place for you! One of the only remaining underground clubs in Bristol.

Trinity – Trinity Road (Top of Old Market)

Old Church, Amazing venue which we all love, from great live music like Zion Train through to Psy Trance nights, this venue is loved by everyone in Bristol and you are always going to have an amazing night if you head down here I can promise you that wee ones.

Louisiana – Wapping Rd (over bridge from Mud Dock)

So intimate you could be listening to the band in your front room, specialist in live music esp cool underground Bristol people

The Fleece and Firkin – Off Victoria St (over Bristol bridge)
Your typical live music venue with a huge room and stage at the end, the acoustics are good and beer cheap! Bristol Live Bands do some cool stuff in here

The Anson Rooms – Bristol Uni

Like being at the sixth form disco, the music they stage is good you just can’t hear it cos the levels are always shite! Rubbish rubbish

Fiddlers – Wilway St (Bedminster)

Off the beaten track so go find it for some of the better Bristol bands and legends like Doreen Doreen play here!

Cosies – Portland Square

Great cellar bar with amazing reggae and drum and base nights, love the venue, great lunchtime grub changing into an uber cool night venue

Coronation Tap – Clifton

Packed with young student, exhibition cider only sold in half’s so they don’t go crazy and clog up the 1 loo they have, Great venue

Avon Gorge – Clifton

Great views, ok beer prices but who cares about that when you have the view from up there!

Robin Hood – St Michels

Great live music, love atmos, super friendly staff

This list was loving put together by

Kat Stevenage
Rachel Thompson
Hannah Smith
David Fuller
Chris Richards

There are a few sacred places we are keeping schtumm about, if you want to know more get in touch with us on

rant@suityourseldmagazine.co.uk